How to Have a Peaceful Home by Amy Hatfield for the women of the CBC Cooking Class
I. Understanding You: A peaceful home starts with your relationship of peace with God.
A. God’s plan for families 1. Families were created by God Genesis 1:27-28 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
“In the home on earth, in the love of husband and wife, of parent and child, God wanted to reflect the love of the Father’s home in heaven.” Andrew Murray 2. Man rejected God’s love and plan Matthew 22:37 YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ “This is the great and foremost commandment. “The second is like it, YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’
Adam disregarded God’s plan. Cain killed Abel. “Sin enters the first family, and instead of it being the image of heaven, it becomes the entrance to hell.” Andrew Murray 3. God offers a restored relationship because of the death of His Son, Jesus John 3:16, Romans 5:8, Romans 10:13, 1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
4. Our lives and our homes can once again demonstrate God’s love. The root of all sin is selfishness; the opposite is love.
B. God’s plan for you as a parent 1. Accept the authority God has given you: BE THE PARENT 2. Rule well (one command at a time, enforceable) 3. Practice self-rule and submission to your authorities (government, husband) Ephesians 5 “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
C. God’s plan for your priorities 1. Relationship with God 2. Relationship with your husband 3. Children 4. All other things This is the most important thing you will ever do! To do a better job than you are doing now, something will have to be sacrificed!
D. God’s purpose for your parenting What motivates your parenting? Fear of what others think, personal comfort, pride, guilt What should motivate our parenting?
E. God’s example of parenting 1. Parent with grace (overlook an offense, deal with patterns of behavior, allow them to be different) 2. Represent God well (good, just, disciplines in love) Hebrews 12:5-6 3. Admit you are not God Model confession God will use your children to change you
II. Understanding Your Children
A. Children are a stewardship 1 Samuel 1:27-28 Don’t hold on to them too tightly You only have them for a short time
B. Children have a sin nature Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?” Romans 3:23 Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Other forms of disobedience (whining, stirring up trouble, bragging) C. Children need a God-centered home (not parent-centered or child-centered)
D. Children are all different 1. Learn your children 2. Allow your children to grow 3. Trust that God gave you the child He wanted you to have
E. Children need true love 1. Wrong definition 2. Right definition I Corinthians 13 “Love is purposing the good of another, at any cost, hoping for nothing in return.” “Love that draws is more than law that demands.”
F. Children are immature Spilled milk vs. lying
G. Children need to be trained Proverbs 22:6 1. Goals for your children (love God, love others) 2. What do they need to know, choose, believe, demonstrate, do, become? Psalm 34:11-14 Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
3. Set practical goals Toddlers: respect for authority, consequences of actions, routines/limits Preschoolers: self control, thoughtfulness, sibling rivalry (Matthew 18), gratitude Etc.:
III. Understand the process of raising children A. Identify wrong parenting techniques (often “what my parents did” or the opposite) 1. Bribery “Come here and I’ll give you a sucker.” 2. Threatening “Share your toys or I’ll send them to kids who will share.” 3. Appealing to the emotions “After all I do for you, this is how you repay me.” 4. Manipulating the environment “Put that back. Put that back.” Mom moves the object. 5. Reasoning with child 6. Anger/Yelling Ephesians 6:2 How parents provoke children to anger: different parenting styles, never admitting they are wrong, inconsistent, not listening, only discipline in public.
B. The “children’s commandment” Epesians 6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”
1. Teach them to recognize God’s authority in their lives 2. Teach them to obey God’s Word (not you) Believe God’s Word (part of your family life) Know God’s Word (scripture memory, Bible stories) Love God’s Word (through your example) Obey God’s Word (the joy of obedience) 3. Obedience is right away, all the way, with a happy heart. 4. Don’t: repeat yourself, raise your voice, count, tolerate small acts of disobedience, become a boiling teapot
C. Discipline and instruction 1. Discipline Not uncontrolled use of physical punishment Includes love, the heart, God’s Word Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
2. Instruction Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”
3. The heart is the heart of the matter (not behavior) Mark 7:21-22 “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.” a. “Who had it first?” b. Object lessons, stories, questions c. Help them express what they are thinking and feeling “A question convicts a conscience; an accusation hardens a heart.” What was the nature of the temptation? How did he respond to the temptation? What was wrong with how he responded? What other ways could he have responded?
4. Wise reproof a. When the child has been informed of the parent’s standard b. When the sin is starting to characterize the child c. When you have examined your own motives d. When you have examined your own life e. Choose the right time and place f. Choose the right words (call it sin) g. Choose the right tone of voice h. Suggest a biblical solution
5. Teach in the context of the moment Deuteronomy 6
6. Bring them to Jesus
7. Teaching to trust “I want the best for you”/ “The same love says yes as says no.” Umbrella of protection against harsh elements of the world
8. Consistency and faithfulness Gentle speech, firm heart This is HARD work.
9. Progression of influence
D. Creative correction: “Choices have consequences.” 1. The “rod” Proverbs 23:13-14 ”Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from hell.”
2. Use of “time out”
3. “Spanking the tongue”
5. Know where it hurts
6. Role play, follow-up, praise
E. Other stuff 1. Eating and bedtime
2. Appeal process
3. A proper apology
4. Your emotions “Be predictably happy”
5. Enjoying your children
6. Praying for your children